[Writings] - Love of a Lifetime

I sat under a large tree in the park watching two lovely children play. As I watch the kids chase each other across the wide grassy area, a vivid picture of myself flashed in my mid.

I was standing in front of the back entrance of Tokyo Dome as throngs of fangirls shoved each other trying to get the best spot. I walked slowly towards where they are hoping to get at least a glimpse of him. This was my last chance to see him. My mom’s shipping me next month to live with my grandparents and only God knows when I would be able to see civilization when that happens.

Then as if Kami-sama heard my silently prayers, there he was walking slowly towards the company van. He was simply dressed as opposed to the flashy outfits he was accustomed to. Deafening screams erupted as he stopped for a moment, waved and smiled before being engulfed by the van. 

Matsumoto Jun  has always been the guy of my dreams. My knight in shining armor, my prince charming.  The moment I had laid eyes on that Pepsi-Nex poster in Shibuya, I had been his for the taking, in short I was die hard fan.

As the van drove out of Tokyo Dome, I walked away from the bunch of girls still hoping to catch a glimpse of the Juniors and headed toward the bus stop looking dreamy with a silly smile painted on my face. 

An hour seemed to have past and as I walked home, still daydreaming about Jun, that I did not realize I was about to step in front of a speeding car. The loud screeching sound of tires jolted me out of my musings. It was then that I realized that I was in the middle of the road.

“HEY, IF YOU’RE TRYING TO COMMIT SUICIDE, WHY DON’T YOU JUST JUMP OFF A BRIDGE OF SOMETHING. I DON’T WANT TO SPEND THE NEXT 5 YEARS IN JAIL.” The driver of the car yelled as he stepped out of the vehicle.

If it had been any other time, I would have given him a piece of my mind. I did not know what happened but at that moment  I simply looked up and stared blankly at the guy.

Then my eyes widened three times it’s normal size and it looked like it was going to pop out of its sockets. The guy who had been the subject of my day dreams was standing in front of me with a black scowl in his face.

“WHAT?” Are you just going to stand there? How the hell am I supposed to pass?”

“Oh I’m sorry.”I said dumbly as I moved out of the way.

I was dying of embarrassment and actually near tears. I wheeled around to run fast as I could but he wasn’t finished.

“Hey lady! Next time don’t forget to screw on you head before you leave your house. Oh, and next time make sure that your brain cells synapse so it could give the right syntax.”

I did not hear what he said next for I was already halfway home running as fast as I could.

The following night, I was told, actually more like ordered to dress up for dinner. There was no special occasion that I can remember but I was still too upset with what had happened the night before to bother asking why.

I was lazily walking down the stairs dressed to kill in a sleeveless light blue Sunday dress and a baby cardigan in white, perfectly matched with my strappy blue sandals when I heard voices approaching the living room.

I stopped midway down and turned to one of the round ornate mirrors lining the walls if our winding stairway to check my appearance one last time.

What I saw gave me a sense of satisfaction. I had put on a light makeup to compliment the sophisticated upswept hairstyle I had managed to accomplish. I was told more than once that I’m quite a “pretty” charming girl, nothing spectacular but definitely worth a second glance. I can thank my American father for that. And I definitely looked extra special tonight. 

I was busy admiring myself  that I completely forgot that I was still a couple of steps up the stairway. I took a sidestep to admire my hair one more time , lost my footing and slid painfully down the last couple of steps.

I was still languishing in pain at the bottom of the stairs when I heard my grandmother pleasantly say.

“Oh and this is my grand daughter Sayako.”

That instantly caught my attention and before I could regain my composure, I was already correcting her in my loudest most un-lady like voice.

“Gran, It’s Raene, not Sayako.” Not that I hate my Japanese name. It’s just that, my parents could have chosen a name that does not sound like Sadako.

“Well your complete name is still Rae Nickole Sayako so what difference does it make? Anyway, these are our visitors, Matsumoto –san and their son, Jun.” my grandmother introduced formally as I hurriedly pulled myself up from the floor.

I was too embarrassed to even look at the family that I simply mumbled something inaudible and went on ahead to the dining room.

Dinner was underway and amidst the animated conversation going on at the table, I suddenly heard Mrs. Matsumoto inquire,

“So, when is the wedding?”

At the mention of a wedding, I suddenly heard my own voice ask.

“Who’s getting married?”

I looked up and found myself staring straight into the face which not more than 24 hours ago was glaring at me. I dropped my chopsticks and it landed with meat soaked in sauce and all right on top of my lap.

“What are you doing here?” Jun asked looking completely disgusted at the mess I made of myself.

“ This happens to be my house and I’ve lived here for the past 25 years of my life.” With that I merely turned away from him and addressed my Mom instead.

“Who’s getting married?”

“You are!” my mother answered matter of factly.

“Me? Yeah sure, to whom, the cat?” I shot back sarcastically.

“ No, to him!’ she answered smiling pointing at Jun.

“WHAT? NO WAY!” Jun exclaimed, slamming his hands palms down at the table as he stood up.

“Mom, what has gotten into you? I haven’t been out in the real world yet. Hell, I haven’t even had a job. What do I know about married life?” I protested vehemently.

“Have you gone crazy? This is not possible, what will the Jimusho say? What will the fans say? I have no intention of putting my career on the line just because of this insanity.  Hey you are part of this plot to destroy my career?” he shouted addressing his father first before  facing me.

I ignored him and continued my protest.

“I can’t possibly marry yet. I have a lot of things to learn. I don’t even know how to boil rice.”

“What about my girlfriend? We just got back together. What do I tell her?”

“This is totally insane. It won’t work.”

We were both talking at the same time at the top of our voices airing out our dissent when my grandmother sternly and firmly said

“Shut up and sit down both of you!”

We subsided into our seats and lapsed in sulky silence.

“Now listen, it has always been our family’s tradition, that one from each generation marry into the family of our choice…”

Before ,y grandmother could continue, I interrupted.

“If Dad were alive he would never allow this to happen. He would have given me a choice.”

“This was your father’s dying wish. He felt he owed your grandparents for not being able to continue with the tradition.” My mother stated quietly.

  I could feel the color drain form my face, as it finally dawned onto me that I was well and truly trapped.

At the end of that night, it was decided that we were to be married three months from that day. That would give our parents enough time to properly explain to the Jimusho the situation.

The following weeks were both heaven and hell for me. Heaven because Jun and I were always together and if we are not, we were usually thrown together. And hell, because I love being with him while Jun seems to hate being with me.

My friends were wondering why I didn’t fight for my rights since I’m not the type of person who’d give up easily. They kept on telling me I’m being stupid because it’s almost a forgone conclusion that the relationship would fail since it is a one sided affair, with me loving him on one end and him loving someone else on the other.

After trying to change my mid for several weeks to no avail, my friends finally gave up. I guess they realized they underestimated the power of love.

Eventually Jun’s attitude softened and sometimes even charmed. We began to laugh together and tease each other and in times of distress even comfort each other. In the three months prior to our wedding, I’ve grown to trust him, depend on him, know him better and love him even more. I could not imagine my life without him. I can just hope and pray that he felt the same. But with his girlfriend in the picture, I guess it was highly unlikely.

Two nights before our wedding, I received a phone call I will remember for the rest of my life.

It was Jun and he wanted to see me the night before our wedding. I told him that we couldn’t since we are not allowed to see each other for a week because doing so would mean bad luck.

What he said next dissolved all my doubts.

“Raene, I haven’t seen you for 5 days and you may not believe this but… I think.. I miss you. There’s something I need to know and only you have the answer. I’ll pick you up Saturday night at 7:00 sharp. Bye.”

And the line went dead. I was left standing there dazed and wondering what just happened.

Saturday night, 6:30 PM, I was standing at the darkened corner of our front gate, waiting. I was dressed to the nines like the first time we met but deep inside I was a nervous wreck.

In the hours preceding our arranged tryst, thousands of what ifs were running around my head.

Had Jun decided to defy our parents, elope with his girlfriend and need my help? Or did he simply decided to call the whole thing off? And what did he mean by his cryptic ‘THERE’S – SOMETHING – I – NEED – TO – KNOW – AND – ONLY – YOU – HAVE – THE – ANSWER’ statement?

6:45, I was still busy wondering about the grim possibilities when suddenly a deep, male voice said softly from behind me.

“Rae, is that you?”

I gave a loud squeak before I could stop myself and a hand clamped over my mouth.

“It’s just me, Jun. Let’s go.” He added in a whisper.

And before I could even utter a word, he had already propelled me towards his car and we were headed fro a nearby restaurant. He seemed unusually subdued. A behavior that scared me to death. We had been getting along so well.

He tried to ease the tension by starting a conversation and we chatted easily about what we missed in each other’s lives in our week apart. But despite his attempts at normalcy, he seemed even more tensed. BY the time we arrived at the restaurant, I have gone from a nervous wreck into a total basketcase.

At our table, reserved two days earlier, while he was ordering, I was swallowing back the tears that were threatening to spill down my cheeks.

As soon as the waiter turned his back, Jun looked at me and smiled nervously. My heart was pounding so hard I half expected it to pound right out of my ribcage.

I knew exactly what it was he wanted to know. He wants to know if I could help him to talk to our parents out of the wedding. He loves his girlfriend and if his feeling for her  were anything like how I felt about him then I understand his position completely. If I refused to help him, I would be willfully standing in the way of his happiness. The most noble thing I could do was to make everything easier for Jun.

“Before anything else, I have something to tell you.” Jun’s quiet, steady voice penetrated my panicked senses.

I couldn’t help myself, I burst into tears and started blabbing.

“It’s okay. I understand. I’ll tell our parents to call off the wedding. And you go and tell her that I’m – m… I’m very s- sorry for trying –g to d-destroy your lives –s…”

With that I stood up and rushed out of the place. I only got as far as the parking lot when a hand grabbed my arm and turned me gently around.

“Raene, wait. What’s wrong? Why did you run off? What are trying to say?” he asked looking completely bewildered.

“It’s okay… You don’t n - need to e – explain and don’t play dumb. I know what – t you’re t – trying to t- tell me and I u – understand. From the start , I knew – w you – u belonged t –to someone else. I had n – no right to t – take you a – away from h – her. So don’t w – worry. I don’t b – blame you. I understand. Just let me g – go.” I sobbed tears coursing down my cheeks as I tried to wrench my hand from his grasp.

Jun did not say a word. He simply slipped his hand down to clasp mine and took out a small velvet box from his pocket. The he got down on one knee in the middle of the restaurant’s parking lot, looked me straight in the eye and quietly and softly asked.

“Raene, will you marry me?”

I was at a loss. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, but finally managed a choke.

“If your Mom put you up to this, don’t. It’s useless. It’s not like we have a choice or anything.”

“That’s exactly why I’m asking you. I want you to have a choice like I did. I’ve talked to my dad and he has given me my freedom. He gave me a choice. And I chose you. Now it’s your turn. I need to know if you’d still marry me if you had a choice to make. I already made mine. I chose you because… I love you.”

I stood there with my heart in my eyes. I could feel the tension in Jun’s grip on my hand. I smiled tremulously and answered in a soft but firm voice.

“You’ve always owned my heart, you always will. And I never wanted anything from this marriage except you. You were the only reason why I agreed to do it. And nothing has happened to change that. Yes, I will be honored to be your wife.”

Jun’s eyes misted as he slipped the diamond ring on my finger with trembling hands, He rose and the next thing I knew, I was wrapped in a warm bear hug.

Jun was shaking from head to foot. It was only then I realized what a big risk he took to give me a choice. After all, I could have said “no” but of course, there was no chance of that.

I hugged him back tightly. It wa then that we heard cheers and applause and realized that we had quite an audience.

Jun stepped back, slipped his arm around my waist and grinned at the people in the restaurant’s entrance as we made our way back. That night had been the happiest night of my life, and the dinner was the best I ever tasted.

“Kaa-chan, I want to buy cotton candy.” A cute 6 year-old interrupted my reverie.

“It’s almost lunch Jirou, maybe next time.” I smiled smiling at my adorable little boy who pouted and turned to the man standing beside him saying pitifully,

“Tou-chan, Kaa-chan won’t let me.”

“Rae, please just let him and Chiyomi share one. That way we don’t have to suffer him crying all the way home.”

He gave me one of his adorable smiles that 10 years of marriage did not make me immune from.

As always, I gave in with a smile and a silent prayer of thanks for giving me Jun, my husband, my friend… my LOVE OF A LIFETIME.