FANFICTION - Tell me how you lost me - Chapter 24

 Riya’s POV
That day was the most exhausting day of my entre life. Although I still went on with my daily routine, there were moments when I would be staring blankly into space. I still could not find the answers to the questions that had been flooding my brain for the past hours. The only relieve I had was the thought that Satoshi would come home late and I had to leave early tomorrow morning. Or so I thought.
I was getting ready for bed when I heard the front door open.
My heart began to beat fast. I was starting to sweat profusely as I got out of the room to greet him.
“Tadaima.” He said as he laid down his backpack onto the sofa.
“Okaeri.” I replied softly.
“I though we were going to finish late but we pulled through.” He said as we headed to the dining room.
“ Ah.” Was all I said as I prepared his dinner.
I sat across him as he began to eat while he began to talk animatedly about his day.
“Nani?” he asked when he noticed that my mind seemed to be far away.
“Huh?”
“Is something wrong?”
“Why?”
“I was asking you how your day was.” He said.
“Oh. It went well. We had our presentation.” I replied.
“That’s great. I’m sure you did well.”
I smiled in reply.
“By the way, Aiba said he saw you today.” He said as he reached for the bowl of rice.
My heart seemed to have stopped beating and blood seemed to have drained from my face when I heard what he said.
“Riya?”
“Ha..hai…”
“I said Aiba said he saw you today. We though he was just making it up for being late. But he kept on insisting that he saw you at a clinic.”
This is it. There’s nowhere to run. I need to tell him the truth.
“Anou…” I began.
“It was funny coz the guys were kidding me that the reason why you were at the clinic was because you’re pregnant. Of course I told them it can’t be true.” He added.
“Satoshi…”
“Hmm?...”
“What if it’s true?” I finally mustered enough courage to ask him.
“What’s true?” he asked me back.
“What if what they’re saying is true?” I asked again.
“What do you mean?”
Ok here goes nothing…
“What if I’m pregnant?” I asked him without looking at his face. I did not what to see his reaction.
“How can it be true? We’ve been careful. You’ve been taking precautions haven’t you?”
“Anou…”
“We can’t afford that kind of problem right now. Everything’s been going well with… you know us and having a baby would just ruin it.”
“You think having a baby would be a problem?” I asked him.
“Of course don’t you? Anyway, it’s not gong to happen anytime soon right?” he asked me.
I did not answer him. I was torn between being heartbroken and afraid with what I heard.
“Riya? It’s not going to happen right?” he asked again.
“Anou… Satoshi…” I began as I tried to look at him in the eye.
“Nani?”
“Gomen…”
“What are you saying sorry for?” he asked
“I’m sorry.”
“ For what? Riya? What are you saying sorry for?”
“I’m… pregnant.” I said softly.
Satoshi’s POV
My mind tried to process what I just heard, but it seems the words that came out of her mouth were cryptic.
“Nani?” I asked again. Wanting to be sure whether I heard he correctly.
“I’m… pregnant.” She replied softly while continuing to stare at the floor.
There was no mistaking it. Those were the words I have never wanted to hear her say.
“Nande?” I finally broke the silence between us.
“Huh?”
“Why? Why did this happen? How did this happen? I thought you were careful.” I said as the tension was building up inside.
“What do you mean why and how?” she returned the question.
“Why did you allow this to happen?” I asked again. I could feel my voice becoming louder with every question.
“Why? It’s not as if I did this alone.” She reasoned.
“But you could have avoided it.” I shot back.
“What do you want me to do then? Get rid of it?” She asked, her face becoming even redder.
“If you think that’s the only way then go ahead.”
“WHAT? You’re asking me to get rid of the baby? What are you trying to turn me into? A murderer?” She shrieked. Tears were now threatening to fall.
“If you want to keep it then go ahead. But I don’t want anything to do with that… that… thing.”
“Satoshi… this is your baby we’re talking about.” She said softly as tears were now coursing down her cheeks.
“I don’t want it.” I replied nonchalantly.
“You are impossible!” She screamed as she headed towards room and closed the door with a loud bang.
I knew that I hurt her badly and knowing that fact was what was making me guilty.
My heart was telling me run after her and comfort her but my stubborn mind was telling me let her be. After all, it was her fault.
I took my bag and headed out of the door. I needed time to think things over. I walked until I reached a bar and began to drown myself in alcohol. It was almost past 2AM when I headed back home. I wanted to think that everything that happened was all a bad joke. The house was silent. The only sound that could be heard was my own footsteps.
The bedroom wasn’t totally dark. There was light coming from the bedside table and I could see her profile curled up by the edge of the bed. I walked towards her and sat on the floor facing her. The tears have dried up but I could still see the hurt in her face. I brushed the few strands of hair away from her face.
“Riya… gomen ne…. I don’t know how this is going to work out between us. I love you but I just can’t stand the fact that there’s something that’s going to come between us right now. I know it’s selfish of me to say this especially when that thing that’s coming between us is also a part of me but… I just want you for myself. We haven’t been together for long and having a baby would just be a hindrance. I don’t want my love for you to turn into hate and this is the only way I know that could make me stop that from happening. Aishiteru demo… gomen ne…” the last words were more of a whisper as I kissed her and headed out of the door.